UPDATEZ

like finally.

loads of stuff to mention.

first up, my first overseas trip after 5/6 years. last time i went out of singapore was in secondary three (if i remember correctly). had to apply for a new passport since the old one was defunct already. armed with the new passport, i was ready to go to phuket, and it was my first time being there too. awesome place. travelled on air asia, stayed at andatel patong hotel, had white water rafting, atv rides, snorkelling, swimming, clubbing, drinking. basically we just let ourselves loose there. went all crazy and stuff.
only problem were the people tend to get too "sticky" and are fucking persistent. the only way to refuse them would be to put on a murderous face and say something equivalent to "fuck off".
photos here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=27064&id=1600931169&l=cc76211ee5
not alot of them because it would be suicidal to bring my handphone (pics taken with my pixon) on such extensive water-based activities. just a couple of group shots and some of the scenery when we had to climb up and get a peek of a waterfall, and several shots of the beach.

rest of the holidays were spent mostly on fyp. fucking fyp. fucked up.

next came timbre. belated celebrations for me and ben's birthdays. had the usual roast duck pizzas, happy hour drinks.
but on that day we tried something different as well. we had a couple of shots. first challenge, b-52 shots. tasted like milo, easy on the throat, mild effect. i felt nothing though.
then shaohui dared us to try barcadi 151 shots. said something like he had it in china and nearly died (or was it uva?) and so we partaked in the barcadid 151 challenge. had a teeny weeny sip at first, and fuck, my entire mouth literally felt like it was lit on fire. several minutes later, we braced ourselves. prepared for the one big gulp. down the alcohol went. goddammit i nearly choked and coughed my insides out. throat went completely dry and it was like having a sore throat for the next half an hour or so. uva the coward drank the shot in halves. noob. LOL.
supposedly the strongest shot (claimed by uva and shaohui), but it didn't really take its toll on me. think i would prefer tequila pops any time.
oh yes, photos: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=29146&id=1600931169&l=b00c5695f8

that's about it for now, i guess.
really want to go for another overseas trip, this time, hopefully to taiwan or japan.

23 August 2009, Woodlands Ring Secondary

Our team's very first "proper" match. Wasn't that great (I mean our performance), but I wished I could have played more, unlimited substitutions you see.

Met the others at Admiralty MRT at 2pm, waited (as usual heh) for the latecomers, then proceeded to the school field for warm-up, briefing on formation and tactics (gawd I can't believe we were actually that serious... we even had those stuff on paper). Referee came along and we started the match pretty soon enough.

Lack of communication, being too kan chiong, plagued our game. Understandable though, because we never had any formal training, and it was the first time we were playing as a 11-man team, so I guess our confidence level were quite low at first. Conceded two goals but we cameback right up to bring the game level before halftime. Then conceded another in the second half. Gee, that really brought out our fighting spirit. But still, our communication was insufficient. Called every teammate on the pitch during the last several minutes to launch wave after wave of attacks on the opponent goal, but we simply couldn't take our chances. Argh, DULAN.

Final score: 3-2. Yes we lost, however we shall take it as a lesson learnt and what made it better was that everyone actually did some self-reflection and AAR (After Action Review) after the match. Well, we can only get stronger, faster and smarter after every game.

Projects. Reports. Presentations.

What the fuck. Give me a break will you?
Not only do we third-years have final year project (FYP) to contend with, there are numerous assignments to be done, and their weightage ain't small either. And these stuff just keep piling up.

Then there's GEMS which is stupid, and unfair to our batch because we were the last to have our GEMS score included in the semester GPA. And there are also the elective modules. Gosh, why the hell are they throwing all these shit at us in our final year when we are supposed to concentrate on our FYP?

Damn, I couldn't really be bothered already. Have yet to begin revision for the semester exams, holy shit.

July 26 @ National Stadium

A spectacular and magical night. One which I will never ever forget.
Rafa Benitez deserves a huge "Thank You" from all the KOP fans for fielding players like Reina, Carragher, Agger, Mascherano, Alonso, Riera and Torres. If only Gerrard was there that night. That would have totally made my day.

I can still hear the roar of the crowd (and screams of fan-girls amidst that) when Torres and Alonso came on. People yelling for Alonso to shoot as soon as he got the ball. The hot lady sitting right in front of me going crazy whenever the ball reached Torres' feet. And most of all, I can still hear myself singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" along with the tens of thousands of Liverpool fans. That was all it took to move me. The particular song ringing in my ears; it was like both the KOP and Anfield had arrived in Singapore.

It was the best experience of my life, so far. I couldn't ask for more, maybe except for Gerrard. XD

Til then, it's gonna be another dull day at school.

finally.

the indescribable feeling of scoring goals at freewill. sliding the ball past the goal line, leaving the goalkeeper in no man's land. it's truly been too long, my friend.

i took into liberty to savour every single moment of it. as i raised my arms in triumph, and the faces of despair were imprinted onto my mind. what satisfaction. what joy. but let it get to my head, i must not.

it was a great boost to my confidence. and i shall add, it pays being selfish at times too. that's what being a striker is all about, isn't it. forever preying for goals, and taking full advantage of the opponent's mistakes. still i owe my gratitude to my teammates that day, they have been really supportive. and when they run over to congratulate me, it truly brightens my day.

simply unforgettable.

p.s. when will i ever get to buy my braun buffel wallet? :(

Soccer was epic yesterday. Vulgarities and sweepings were flying in from everywhere. No cramps, but someone got injured in two different areas of his body though. Sucks to be him, really. I understand what it feels like - the anticipation for soccer after weeks of not playing and the initial BMT confinement period, the two weeks that serve as an orientation to regimental life. All these, totally killed off due to injuries obtained while playing the game which you had so wanted to get back into. And now you've got to answer to your superiors, there might be a chance of you to "re-course" (which means retaking BMT). If I were him, I would totally feel so fucked up.

I find myself getting more sluggish in my movements with each passing week. I shoot like crap. I can't finish cooly in one-on-one situations. My dribbling is pathetic. In short, I lack confidence these days. When I receive the ball, I feel insecure. I'm afraid of taking a shot because people might grumble and complain like it was a wrong decision to make.
Yesterday I tried to be selfless. There was an instance when I was fully capable of taking the goal for myself, but I saw a teammate in a much better position thus I passed the ball on to him. Guess what. He fluked it. But I won't blame him. There have been incidents in the past where I couldn't score even after the set-up was perfect and the goal was at such close proximity. And then I heard people saying I should have just taken the shot. I was utterly discouraged. No matter how selfishly or selflessly I played, the rantings just keep coming.

Are we humans really that shallow? Must we only lament on negativity and instead take positives for granted? Wrong decision or not, why do we not appreciate the thought put into it? A single sign of disapproval is enough to take my confidence level from skyhigh to the lowest depths of hell. And I start playing like shit. Then I get frustrated. Emo. Moody.

How do I deal with such distraction that continue haunting me as long as I touch the ball? Ignorance is bliss, but it is easier said than done.

Btw, congrats on reaching the end of this post without clicking the red X button on the top right corner of your screen. Would appreciate your input on this one too.

Hokay.

Confirmed to-buy list:

• Headset (headphones + mic for my daily computing usage)
• A pair of audiophile headphones (hopefully I can find one about the $100 range)
• 250/320GB external hard disk (for mom to store her drama and stuff)
• Wallet (Braun Buffel? Hehe)
  

Still-thinking-about-it list:

• iPod Touch
• Cap (those wide panels one)
• Bag (backpack to be exact)
  
• Clothes, especially tops

GAH. It's that season again. The Great Singapore Sale (GSS) period. The time which burns a huge hole in my wallet whenever I go out with friends. Last year, it was always about impulsive and last-minute shopping. This year it's going to be different. Controlled spending. No more buying of t-shirts, just because I didn't want to return home empty-handed, on the very last day of the GSS.

My legs are fucking itching. A week is plain torturous for them. And it's not just them. The fact that I have to wait for a week is also tormenting His Majesty up there, enclosed and protected by this thick skull of mine. Damn the compulsory conscription of males when they are of age on this tiny island.

Well I guess it's kinda official (actually it was a long time ago but I just didn't wanna say it out).

Retrenchment has just arrived at the threshold of my family. Perhaps they are just putting on a strong front in front of us, but I find it a worrisome issue even if I know both of them to be extremely cautious and calculative in whatever they do. Currently, it's just one of them, but it could be both in the near future (or most certainly would be). I fear of being financially troubled in time to come; the slow yet steady onslaught of emotional turmoil that wears down chains in the family; fear of what the future has in store for us.

The thought of it all sickens me. Restricting and limiting my spendings, saving every single cent I can, argh, simply put - less of entertainment for you Mr. Lee. But I know, none of this can be compared to how they are feeling right now. Deep down inside they are probably dejected, worried and as fearful as I am. Right now they are planning of downgrading from our current 5-room flat to a 4-room one, and I guess should it really happen, it shall be the next milestone in my life.

Well, we'll have to see how it goes. I pray we pull through this tough time ahead of us; I pray we could all just have a happy ending.

Timbre today with Shawn, Aug and Shao Hui.

Ordered Screaming Orgasm, though it wasn't really quite as orgasmic as I thought it would be. It had really strong (too strong for my liking) alcoholic taste and aftertaste, as the fluid just burned its way down my throat.

Next up was Blue Lagoon which I ordered towards the end of our "dinner", pleasant and sweet, but too gentle. Tasted pretty much like Sprite after I left it there for about ten or so minutes.

As for food we had a total of four pizzas. Toppings namely were Roasted Duck, German Sausage and Peppers, Seafood, and Tandoori Chicken. Roasted Duck pizza was clearly tops, the seasoning sauce used was just awesome. I liked the crackers they used too. Tandoori Chicken was good too. Overall, better value-for-money than Pizza Hut.

Oh, we had the Buffalo Wings as well. That was godly. They used some sweet and sour and spicy sauce on the outside, and generally the chicken wings were fried first before coated with the sauce. Brilliant take IMO.

Prices were reasonable because we ordered most of the stuff during the Happy Hour promotion period, except for the Blue Lagoon. Didn't get to listen to the live music band performance too, shucks.

Oh well, another day perhaps.

Screaming Orgasm

Blue Lagoon

Close-up of the Blue Lagoon (Macro)

Pondering and wondering;

And there I was again, in front of my dinner, chomping down rice and beef and veggies; but no, it wasn't the food that occupied my thoughts. I had something else on my mind. Something that made me afraid of myself, and my lousy character traits. Ah yes, those who knew me during my secondary school days should probably have an idea of what I'm talking about.

Well, let me recount the kind of Alex that existed almost 5 years ago, the asshole he was - one who never took anything seriously.

Relationships not spared.

Til now I have always wondered, why me and not some other tall good-looking hunky guy. Of all the boys in school which all she had to do was just pick one and get it over with, she had to choose me - some obese short boy who goofed around like an idiot. Or perhaps it was just puppy love, perhaps she was conducting some great experiment and me of course, the poor little test rat caged up and always thinking what the hell am I doing here. But I refused to believe in that. After all, even puppy love requires emotions. Nothing will surface unless you start to take a liking to somebody in your class; in my case, someone sitting just right behind you.

You approached me, dropped hints like bits and pieces of cheese and well, there is no love unless the feeling is mutual. But still, I was afraid. Afraid that our secret might be let out, afraid of what my parents would say, afraid of everything. And that somehow turned to ignorance and the me who couldn't be bothered to initiate a day together. I stayed home like a lazy bastard playing computer games all day long and replied to your calls, always longing, yet always cowering in fear.

A few months down the road, you stopped all forms of contact. In the classroom we acted like ordinary classmates. Instead of turning to the back for help you turned to the girls beside you. I was as transparent as glass. Punishment for my misdoings? Yeah definitely. But I couldn't take it. I released my feelings by doing what I did best - gaming. That probably blew the whole thing.

Some of you might still say, "bah, puppy love, nobody gives a damn and you should too." Deep down inside I'm still trying to figure out the good part of me she found, even up to this day. And she never told me.

Because I was afraid of asking her.

Fuck you, Alex.

Rejoice rejoice! Only one last week of ITP left, but I'm bloody disappointed I won't be able to make it to soccer on Saturday which so coincidentally happens to be my last day.

Liverpool - 1
Chelsea - 3

Well, I suppose those were pretty much shocking results, especially following thrashing sprees except for a hard-fought victory at Fulham's home ground. Even I thought we could at least have won by a goal or two, given Chelsea's formidable form as well. Who would have thought Ivanovic was allowed to run so freely in Liverpool's penalty box and allowed to win balls in the air unchallenged. I blame Alonso and Gerrard for that. And then Riera decided to chut stunt, giving the ball away to some Chelsea player, which inadvertently resulted in the third goal, because most of the Liverpool players were breaking away for a counter-attack. Very very poor defending, tsk.

Totally crappy performance from the start of the second half to end, absolutely no fighting spirit unlike what was shown to the world in the finale of the 2005 Champions League. Where was the usual undying determination of the team branded "Comeback Kings"?

What does Rafa Benitez see in Lucas anyway? Cannot hold the ball (and he is a BLOODY MIDFIELDER!), weak, cannot shoot for fucking nuts (saw those 2 balls he "attempted" to shoot? both would have qualified as excellent clearances even by Jamie Carragher's standards). Riera was unusually lousy as well; Torres put Liverpool ahead at 6 minutes but was non-existent later on; oh wait, was Liverpool even playing?

Forgive my lengthy ranting, but I must let it be known. Just visited soccernet,

Liverpool - 4
Blackburn - 0

Why can't they produce results like this against Chelsea? Sighs.
More updates to come prolly after ITP. Sighs again.