Soccer was epic yesterday. Vulgarities and sweepings were flying in from everywhere. No cramps, but someone got injured in two different areas of his body though. Sucks to be him, really. I understand what it feels like - the anticipation for soccer after weeks of not playing and the initial BMT confinement period, the two weeks that serve as an orientation to regimental life. All these, totally killed off due to injuries obtained while playing the game which you had so wanted to get back into. And now you've got to answer to your superiors, there might be a chance of you to "re-course" (which means retaking BMT). If I were him, I would totally feel so fucked up.

I find myself getting more sluggish in my movements with each passing week. I shoot like crap. I can't finish cooly in one-on-one situations. My dribbling is pathetic. In short, I lack confidence these days. When I receive the ball, I feel insecure. I'm afraid of taking a shot because people might grumble and complain like it was a wrong decision to make.
Yesterday I tried to be selfless. There was an instance when I was fully capable of taking the goal for myself, but I saw a teammate in a much better position thus I passed the ball on to him. Guess what. He fluked it. But I won't blame him. There have been incidents in the past where I couldn't score even after the set-up was perfect and the goal was at such close proximity. And then I heard people saying I should have just taken the shot. I was utterly discouraged. No matter how selfishly or selflessly I played, the rantings just keep coming.

Are we humans really that shallow? Must we only lament on negativity and instead take positives for granted? Wrong decision or not, why do we not appreciate the thought put into it? A single sign of disapproval is enough to take my confidence level from skyhigh to the lowest depths of hell. And I start playing like shit. Then I get frustrated. Emo. Moody.

How do I deal with such distraction that continue haunting me as long as I touch the ball? Ignorance is bliss, but it is easier said than done.

Btw, congrats on reaching the end of this post without clicking the red X button on the top right corner of your screen. Would appreciate your input on this one too.

Hokay.

Confirmed to-buy list:

• Headset (headphones + mic for my daily computing usage)
• A pair of audiophile headphones (hopefully I can find one about the $100 range)
• 250/320GB external hard disk (for mom to store her drama and stuff)
• Wallet (Braun Buffel? Hehe)
  

Still-thinking-about-it list:

• iPod Touch
• Cap (those wide panels one)
• Bag (backpack to be exact)
  
• Clothes, especially tops

GAH. It's that season again. The Great Singapore Sale (GSS) period. The time which burns a huge hole in my wallet whenever I go out with friends. Last year, it was always about impulsive and last-minute shopping. This year it's going to be different. Controlled spending. No more buying of t-shirts, just because I didn't want to return home empty-handed, on the very last day of the GSS.

My legs are fucking itching. A week is plain torturous for them. And it's not just them. The fact that I have to wait for a week is also tormenting His Majesty up there, enclosed and protected by this thick skull of mine. Damn the compulsory conscription of males when they are of age on this tiny island.