Well I guess it's kinda official (actually it was a long time ago but I just didn't wanna say it out).

Retrenchment has just arrived at the threshold of my family. Perhaps they are just putting on a strong front in front of us, but I find it a worrisome issue even if I know both of them to be extremely cautious and calculative in whatever they do. Currently, it's just one of them, but it could be both in the near future (or most certainly would be). I fear of being financially troubled in time to come; the slow yet steady onslaught of emotional turmoil that wears down chains in the family; fear of what the future has in store for us.

The thought of it all sickens me. Restricting and limiting my spendings, saving every single cent I can, argh, simply put - less of entertainment for you Mr. Lee. But I know, none of this can be compared to how they are feeling right now. Deep down inside they are probably dejected, worried and as fearful as I am. Right now they are planning of downgrading from our current 5-room flat to a 4-room one, and I guess should it really happen, it shall be the next milestone in my life.

Well, we'll have to see how it goes. I pray we pull through this tough time ahead of us; I pray we could all just have a happy ending.

Timbre today with Shawn, Aug and Shao Hui.

Ordered Screaming Orgasm, though it wasn't really quite as orgasmic as I thought it would be. It had really strong (too strong for my liking) alcoholic taste and aftertaste, as the fluid just burned its way down my throat.

Next up was Blue Lagoon which I ordered towards the end of our "dinner", pleasant and sweet, but too gentle. Tasted pretty much like Sprite after I left it there for about ten or so minutes.

As for food we had a total of four pizzas. Toppings namely were Roasted Duck, German Sausage and Peppers, Seafood, and Tandoori Chicken. Roasted Duck pizza was clearly tops, the seasoning sauce used was just awesome. I liked the crackers they used too. Tandoori Chicken was good too. Overall, better value-for-money than Pizza Hut.

Oh, we had the Buffalo Wings as well. That was godly. They used some sweet and sour and spicy sauce on the outside, and generally the chicken wings were fried first before coated with the sauce. Brilliant take IMO.

Prices were reasonable because we ordered most of the stuff during the Happy Hour promotion period, except for the Blue Lagoon. Didn't get to listen to the live music band performance too, shucks.

Oh well, another day perhaps.

Screaming Orgasm

Blue Lagoon

Close-up of the Blue Lagoon (Macro)

Pondering and wondering;

And there I was again, in front of my dinner, chomping down rice and beef and veggies; but no, it wasn't the food that occupied my thoughts. I had something else on my mind. Something that made me afraid of myself, and my lousy character traits. Ah yes, those who knew me during my secondary school days should probably have an idea of what I'm talking about.

Well, let me recount the kind of Alex that existed almost 5 years ago, the asshole he was - one who never took anything seriously.

Relationships not spared.

Til now I have always wondered, why me and not some other tall good-looking hunky guy. Of all the boys in school which all she had to do was just pick one and get it over with, she had to choose me - some obese short boy who goofed around like an idiot. Or perhaps it was just puppy love, perhaps she was conducting some great experiment and me of course, the poor little test rat caged up and always thinking what the hell am I doing here. But I refused to believe in that. After all, even puppy love requires emotions. Nothing will surface unless you start to take a liking to somebody in your class; in my case, someone sitting just right behind you.

You approached me, dropped hints like bits and pieces of cheese and well, there is no love unless the feeling is mutual. But still, I was afraid. Afraid that our secret might be let out, afraid of what my parents would say, afraid of everything. And that somehow turned to ignorance and the me who couldn't be bothered to initiate a day together. I stayed home like a lazy bastard playing computer games all day long and replied to your calls, always longing, yet always cowering in fear.

A few months down the road, you stopped all forms of contact. In the classroom we acted like ordinary classmates. Instead of turning to the back for help you turned to the girls beside you. I was as transparent as glass. Punishment for my misdoings? Yeah definitely. But I couldn't take it. I released my feelings by doing what I did best - gaming. That probably blew the whole thing.

Some of you might still say, "bah, puppy love, nobody gives a damn and you should too." Deep down inside I'm still trying to figure out the good part of me she found, even up to this day. And she never told me.

Because I was afraid of asking her.

Fuck you, Alex.